The best posts of Jan ‘08

This is a new tradition that I am starting at I Don’t Know. At the end of each month I’ll put together a list of posts that I find to be the best for that month. I’ll give you a link to that post plus a brief description of why I think it is the best. Once you evaluate the posts indicate which one you liked the best by commenting to this post. The entry with the highest votes will be short listed for a competition we will hold at the end of the year where you’ll get to vote on the best post of the year! Here goes…

Jan 6, 2008:
The luscious orange
I like this post because it is so descriptive and is a good example of how I write when I let my imagination run wild.

Jan 11, 2008:
The mighty if statement
The psuedocode that I created for the combat mech’s rule base was fun to write. I like how I structured the if statements and how each case logically progresses the actions of the fighting machine.

Jan 17, 2008:
Let’s pick on Microsoft
When I write with authority about computers I know that I have arrived in my chosen field. This certainly gives me an ego boost because I know that I can hold my own against the best of them.

Jan 18, 2008:
Scaring children in America V. Scaring children in Pakistan
I like this post because the picture of the red jinn looks awesome against the black background!

Jan 23, 2008:
Three Hundred Sixty Degrees
I like how I set a mournful tone in this piece. This is an example of my writing when I am brooding and feel pensive. Plus it highlights an important issue that needs to be addressed.

Let the voting begin!!!

Here are some numbers for you

I guess I am a very common man because I’ve been in a car accident, as mentioned in a previous post thankfully I survived. It also mentions some not so uncommon occurrences from my life. Funny how "falls" come in at number two. I would have supposed "firearms" would be a leading cause of death with all the shooting going on in the world, then again most of that shooting is deliberate. What’s your take on these numbers?

What makes Superman, super?

I started thinking about this question after watching “Superman Returns”. I always knew that he was the man of steel and could be shot at and thrown around with ease. However in this latest incarnation of the movie series there is a scene in which a bad guy fires point blank into superman’s eye. As soon as the projectile makes contact with his eyeball it crumples up and harmlessly falls onto the ground.

This made me wonder. Does this mean that his eyes are made of steel? I don’t think so. I just have a feeling that if I ever met the guy his eyeballs would be squishy like the rest of us. Here’s how I envision the mechanics of Superman’s power. Earth’s yellow sun has activated a dormant force field that works at the cellular level. This force field has fully enveloped the last son of Krypton that’s why even sensitive parts like the eye are protected. Then again I didn’t make up this superhero, what do you know about Superman’s powers?

Dentistry in America V. Dentistry in Pakistan

It seems the AVP (America Versus Pakistan) bug has bitten other expatriates as well! Check out this blog entry I found while surfing the net, which I take no credit for:

I'd like to talk to you today about my teeth and their experience at the highly regarded Ohio State University College of Dentistry (OSUCOD). In order to provide some context, I will recount a typical visit to a dentist's clinic back home, in Karachi.

Karachi:
*walk into dentist’s office*
Dentist: What do you want?
Me: Clean my teeth, dammit
Dentist: All of them?
Me: Yes, dammit.
Dentist: Alright then.
(15 minutes later)
*walk out of dentist’s office*

And now,

OSUCOD:
First, you have your teeth examined by a dental student. Then
Re-examined and checked by several qualified and experienced dentists (a couple of them looked a little senile... so incredibly experienced they must have been).
X-rayed. About 5 different ways. I've never had so much padding in my mouth. I must have looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger's bloated baby brother. There is not a bone in my mouth or jaw that has not been photographed.
Pressure tested or something crazy complicated. Six different measurements from each tooth.
Gum health type thing tested. I don't even remember what arcane tricks they pulled to get that done. There was all sorts of poking and prodding. I can't remember a time I felt so violated.
On top of this, they took a COMPLETE medical history. Seriously complete.
"Do you still have your tonsils?"
"I don't know. Look and see."

It turns out that I do still have my tonsils. It was my adenoids that were removed. Those are dangerous. They're usually only found in space, you know, orbiting the Sun between Mars and Jupiter. How they got up my nose, I will never understand.

"When did you have your adenoids removed?"
"When I was really little."
"Could you be more specific?"
"Not really."

That whole rigmarole took about twenty minutes. And the joy and happiness that was the rest of the lines above took all of three hours. Notice no cleaning was done. Because they knew right away that I was going to have to COME BACK FOR ANOTHER DAMN APPOINTMENT. New patient, teaching hospital, blah blah. All I wanted were shiny teeth. Instead I got 180 minutes of protocol…

Read full post here

“Foreigner” wrote this, hey man if you’re still out there drop by and say hello, I don’t bite I promise.

The KIIT graduation ceremony post

This post will be updated with the latest information related to my graduation ceremony as soon as it becomes available. After updates are made it will be reposted, here is some background info on the ceremony:

They plan to have it Inshallah (by the will of God) on February 3, 2008. I first mentioned my undergrad college in the Patrick Stewart Post. I had a great time during my time at KIIT, I loved it and it loved me back. So here’s the lowdown and a nifty countdown timer just for you:

January 08: Got an email from the admin office saying that we are going to have a graduation ceremony

January 09: My friends from college are all a buzz, we’re going to have a blast!

January 10: Got official invitation in the mail, need to confirm my family’s seats.

January 12: Made photocopies of my guest’s NIC (National Identification Card) cards. They’re needed for registering the seats. Only 2 guests allowed per graduate, bummer.

January 15: Need to start looking for the driver of my digital camera and fill in the registration form.

January 18: I found the driver for my digital camera on the Internet. I lost the CD that came with it which is necessary to transfer pictures to my PC. So thank god for the internet now I just have to install it.

January 21: I submitted the registration form in person. You could have faxed, mailed or even emailed it in. But I wanted to meet with my former teachers. It’s my birthday today, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

January 25: The Guest of Honor has been confirmed for the ceremony. This honored guest happens to be my professor at my graduate college. He’s a very senior member of Pakistan’s academic community and was consulted when they were forming KIIT. I flunked his class the first time (everyone falls the first time) and had to repeat it. I passed the course the second time around, yay me!

Weekend Assignment #200

As Karen mentioned in her blog this will be the 200th weekend assingment. This is a cause for celebration:

add favorite victory dance here

It certainly is a milestone, speaking of which my stationary bike passed the 2800 mile mark this morning. That's a lot of miles traveled on a clunker that's been around the house for the past fifteen years! I wonder when I'll manage 3000 miles, of course I won't be reaching Graceland any time soon.

This week's assingment is:

Weekend Assignment #200: You've recently become friends with someone who unexpectedly reveals that he or she has a time machine, all tested out and ready for adventures. Your friend offers you one round trip to anywhere, anywhen, backwards or forwards in time. What's your destination? Or would you rather just stay home?

Extra Credit: The first trip is so wildly successful that your friend offers you one more trip, this time in the opposite direction. When are you going this time?

For my first trip I would want to travel into the past. But I probably wouldn't, due to concerns about contaminating the timeline. You know how if you alter even a minute detail it starts to have a greater and greater effect as time passes on. There are numerous examples of this phenomenon occuring in Science Fiction. One example that comes to mind is Michael Crichton's Timeline, in which time travellers change the course of European History.

People think it'll be really cool to travel in to the future. But under the present world situation it doesn't seem that our future will be too pleasant. At the current rate we are going there will be a World War sooner or later. With the world plunged into a global "war on terror" we are too busy killing each other to focus on loftier goals like Research. You can argue that we are making progress in the area of science and technology but with our resources diverted towards fighting each other, we aren't making progress at the rate we should be. So it going to take a while for interstellar space crafts, holodecks and warp cores to come into effect

I'll just tell my friend to pack up the thing and leave well enough alone.

Introducing project neo

Sounds interesting doesn't it? What's that? You've never heard of this story before. That's because it hasn't been published yet. You may have guessed that the author is none other than yours truly.

Why do you call it project neo? Well that's a good question, aside from being a Matrix fan I like to disguise the actual title of my stories with some kind of a code name. Neo stands for Near Earth Object which is a term used to classify objects such as asteroids. My story, which is of novel length, takes place on just such an object, hence the code name.

I have sent the completed manuscript to a couple of sci-fi publishers, wish me luck. In the meantime I keep myself busy writing a sequel to project neo, code name project x. To learn more about my work click on the "Activate Project Neo" button in the sidebar. You'll be taken to my website where you can also find lots of goodies like free writing samples written by me and cool fonts for your pc. ENJOY!!!

PS: If you can't read the text you can see a larger version by clicking on the image.

The importance of childhood

You know I never gave it much thought but a good childhood is very important. Sure you hear about it all the time, how a child growing up in a bad environment becomes a bad adult. Also the act of playing helps a child to adjust to changing situations and relate to other individuals.

I never understood the significance of this until I moved to Pakistan and started interacting with the people. Sure we share a common heritage and a common religion, which is important, but it doesn’t seem enough. Often times I feel like joking around but no one understands my brand of humor because its based on a childhood spent in America.

In an office environment this can become an issue. Everyone is busy working and we mostly interact when we need to discuss work related issues. That isn’t a problem for me because we will most likely being talking about computer hardware or software. But there are times when we want to kick back and fool around. That’s when they bring out rapid-fire Urdu cannons. I can’t comprehend Urdu so well when it’s spoken quickly and is froth with slang. My co-workers expect me to respond to the jokes but I can’t so they think I am cold and only like to work. Obviously this isn’t the case and I explain to them my predicament. They understand but by that time the lunch break is over and I have missed out on crucial bonding experience.

Three Hundred Sixty Degrees

My older sister recently visited us at our parent’s house. She’s married and brought along her husband and her two little boys one is an infant and the other is two years old. After a light snack the grown ups settled down to watch the evening news, the TV began displaying images from Baghdad. A recent spike in violence brought death and destruction to this once proud capital.

As I watched burning buildings and wailing moms on TV my glance fell upon my nephew. Oblivious to the cares of the world he happily played with his toy cars. A quarter century ago I too was in his place, sheltered by my parents I spent my days playing and growing. Back then a major hotspot in the Arab world was Beirut. I vaguely recall graphic images of limbless boys and girls. It’s really unfortunate that even after all these years this part of the world has not seen peace. As a new generation emerges our inactions have sentenced them to lives spent living in a troubled world. Will we ever see peace? God only knows.

Sports in America V. Sports in Pakistan

If you haven’t already figured it out I am a geek. I have zero eye hand coordination and poor respiration. A perfect recipe for getting your ass kicked in sports. My classmates were well aware of my suckery and always picked me last in gym class. That’s why I find sports to be a terrible waste of human intellect.

But if I ever managed to take over the world all athletes would not be banished to underground cities to live out their lives in squalid conditions. As entertaining as that would be I would allow them to remain on the surface and permit them to live amongst us intellectuals because the sports they practice can be entertaining at times.

I enjoy watching the super bowl especially the half time show. But try talking about the super bowl in Pakistan and all you’ll get are blank stares and a crescendo of cricket chirps. This is partly due to the fact that no one but Americans gets football. And when you try talking to the rest of the world about football they get confused because they think you’re really talking about soccer. And then when you try explaining to them that you’re not talking about football but about American football, which is like rugby, expect with more padding. They get confused even more and ask you if you’re really talking about football. No I say I am talking about soccer. Sock who? Soccer. But why would I want to sock her? Because its fun. Its fun to sock her? Yes. That doesn’t seem very nice.

And don’t get me started on national pastimes. Two nations that I am intimately familiar with (America and Pakistan) both have a national pastime involving a bat and a ball. One nation uses a skinny bat while the other one uses a fat bat. Both of them get a kick out of smacking that ball around from dawn until dusk. Why that is so is any one’s guess.

But don’t get me wrong I too, even with all my reasoning and intellectual prowess do enjoy smacking things around. I liked playing hockey in gym class. My favorite position was defense. I guess my cave man instincts kick in when I am made part of a group and told to defend its honor. K’plah! It’s a good day to die I will fight with honor. That wretched puck will taste the cold blade of my bat'leth, er stick.

Speaking of hockey sticks I got to see the uniquely shaped sticks used in Pakistan during one of my numerous visits. Over here they play on the ground with a ball rather than on ice with a puck. The sticks have been adapted for this purpose so that they are shorter and have a sharp curve at the bottom, kinda like an upside down candy cane. Bye now!

The Joy of Spam

At times I find that I like spam, no not the canned variety, the one that creeps into inboxes the world over. Don’t get me wrong these kinds of emails are a nuisance and need to be controlled. But on a slow mail day they give me a reason to open my inbox.

How else will I find out about genuine Rolexes at half the price? Or that I won the US lottery and can apply for a visa or that a kind hearted general from Nigeria wants to share his wealth with me because he has no heirs? And don’t get me started on all the people, peddling pills, who want me to “function”, better.

I want to know your take on Spam, menace to society or delightful distraction?

Governmental headaches in America V. Governmental headaches in Pakistan

Let’s just make one-thing clear, humans who have flaws just like everybody else run governments. Therefore no government can be expected to be perfect.

If we look at the overall performance of the American government it is safe to say that they have provided for their citizens. This is not to say that it hasn’t gleefully screwed them whenever it got a chance (I’ll have more on this later). But major successes such as NASA putting a man on the moon, DARPA enabling the Internet and the collapse of the Soviet Union, has permanently entrenched into the minds of people that America is invisible.

This global feeling has done wonders for the American ego, which is very proud of its country. This is evident from how Hollywood portrays American cities (LA is cool, Miami is fun), landscapes (amber waves of grain) and organizations (the CIA will hunt you down). These images broadcasted the world over further heighten the perception foreigners have of the country’s invincibility.

The Pakistani government had a great start under the sound leadership of the country’s founding father, Mohammad Ali Jinnah. But it was soon entangled in the games being played by the super powers of the time. Unemployment, poverty and corruption soon took hold. Citizens were not getting justice and became bitter. Negativity soon seeped into the mindset of the people; we can’t do anything so why bother. Since no one could muster up enough enthusiasm for their country Pakistan never got to be portrayed in a positive manner.

Granted the Pakistani government has done very little for its people but all hope isn’t lost. There are many wonderful Individuals who have set up organizations that are helping to enable the society. These organizations provide vital services such as health care and education. It used to be that, citizens with a college education long to go abroad for better opportunities. This sentiment has declined post 9/11, thanks in part to stringent US policies. Also many expatriates have invested in Pakistan, which have yielded businesses that are providing challenging jobs to graduates.

The point being that Pakistan has survived thanks to the grace of the Almighty.

Weekend Assignment #199

It’s that time of week again, this week’s assignment is:

What is your usual sleep schedule on weeknights? Are you an "early to bed, early to rise" sort of person, or do you stay awake far into the night (voluntarily or otherwise), and get up as late as your work schedule permits? Do you give priority to getting adequate sleep? If so, how is that working out for you?

Extra Credit: If you had no work or family scheduling obligations, would your sleeping pattern change substantially?

When I am bound to a work schedule I find that “early to bed, early to rise” is the best policy. That’s the only way I am able to remain fresh the next day. Also my religion encourages this policy, Muslims are required to get up right before the crack of dawn for prayers. Yeah I know it sounds tough but that’s the point, it helps increase your will power. I try to be as regular with my five daily prayers as I can, so you’ll find me up and about around sunrise. During the days I don’t have to follow a rigorous schedule I love staying up and watching a good movie, they just seem more fun at night.

I believe adequate sleep is important and I try getting eight hours each night. But with so many things to do like working, studying, exercising, reading, writing, errands, chores, I get around six or seven hours. But the thing is that after lunchtime I get sleepy and I usually take an hour-long nap, so I suppose that counts for something.

If I didn’t have any responsibilities and were left to my own whims, I would sleep ten hours a day. Preferably from 1 to 11 AM, because that’s when all the good movies are on. But what about your pre-dawn prayer (by the way it’s called Fajr), you ask? Well seeing how it only takes me ten minutes to complete this prayer I have learned to break my sleep, pray and then get back to sleeping!

Scaring children in America V. Scaring children in Pakistan

Let’s face it kids love getting scared. No matter where they’re from a good ghost story always delights. Society eggs on this kind of entertainment with a plethora of stories to choose from. I guess this is due to parents wanting to keep their kids in line. How many times have we told them to eat their peas or else the boogey man is going to get them? This shortcut saves the parents a lot of grief. Similarly parents in Pakistan tell their kids that baba is going to get them if they don’t do their chores. Baba can best be described as a scary old man that does terrible things to bad little children.

More significantly scary stories in Pakistani literature focus around black magic and the fiery entity known as the Jinn. This term has been derived from Islamic scripture that tells about a fire based creation. The most widely known representative of this species is none other than Iblis (Satan). That’s why these creatures get a bad reputation even though all of them aren’t bad.

Scary stories in western literature focus on witches and warlocks. This too has religious connotations to it. During colonial times English settlers in the New World hung women they deemed to be morally corrupt. To justify their actions they called these women witches and thus gave birth to the infamous Salem witch hunts.

Let’s pick on Microsoft

Before you dismiss this as just another MS rant by just another MS crab, let’s make one thing perfectly clear I need Microsoft products. I type my blog posts in Word then use Internet explorer to post it to my blog. On top of that my livelihood depends on tools made by the behemoth.
So what’s ticking me off? Well get a load of this. It’s the “Why attend” section of the Microsoft Office System Developer Conference 2008. Just look at the wording used by their marketing pukes:

Here are my objections:

1. The “Breakthrough application development platform” they are referring to is SOA based. With that kind of wording they are suggesting that they made the breakthrough of inventing SOA, which they haven’t. It’s the work of dedicated professionals and researchers that have made this technology viable.

2. The “arsenal of new skills and knowledge” they are referring to will be MS centric. Which is fine for a developer to have, the problem arises when he begins to think for himself. This can be thought of as two kids playing with building blocks (read as engineering principle). The first kid puts together a modest looking house and is quite proud of it. It’s not until his teacher comes along and tells him he did it all wrong because it doesn’t look anything like the Taj Mahal replica created by the other kid.

“But people need low cost housing as well” he replies

“Yes but it has to look regal”

“Yeah, but everybody doesn’t want a regal look there’s a market for shlumpy homes too.” Teacher walks away with a look of disgust. This sort of thing happens all the time when developers come up with economical solutions to problem and pitch them to their laymen bosses.

“Yeah but Microsoft does it this way.”

“But sir you hired me to create a solution you can afford all those frill and whistles are unnecessary”

“Yeah but Microsoft knows best.” At this point the developer has one of two options either put up or shut up. Because its way too difficult to try to make people understand that Microsoft does not hold the monopoly on intellectual thought in the field of computer science. They depend on the work of researchers to make progress, it’s just that they hijack the work, add sugar and then sell it as if it was their own bright idea.

3. Sure there is a chance you’ll make an impact on your company after attending the conference, but the industry? Come on! And what the hell do they mean by starting an office system revolution? Are they trying to attract intelligent engineers to the conference or clueless morons? Exaggerated wording in MS advertisement really ticks me off. A classic example is “Your Potential Our Passion”; it should read “Your Potential Our Asphyxiation”. They can’t make up for their evil company image by a few cleverly crafted advertisements.

Will I be going? I might because some of their tracks seem interesting but the asking price for the three-day conference is a total turnoff. Will any of you be going? And what’s your take on Microsoft?

The KIIT graduation ceremony post

This post will be updated with the latest information related to my graduation ceremony as soon as it becomes available. They plan to have it Inshallah (by the will of God) on February 3, 2008. I first mentioned my undergrad college in the Patrick Stewart Post. I had a great time during my time at KIIT, I loved it and it loved me back. So here’s the lowdown:

January 08: Got an email from the admin office saying that we are going to have a graduation ceremony.

January 09: My friends from college are all a buzz, we’re going to have a blast!

January 10: Got official invitation in the mail, need to confirm my family’s seats.

January 12: Made photocopies of my guest’s NIC (National Identification Card) cards. They’re needed for registering the seats. Only 2 guests allowed per graduate, bummer.

January 15: Need to start looking for the driver of my digital camera and fill in the registration form.

January 16: I just learned from reliable sources that the ceremony will take place in a five star hotel!!! Yahoo, it's gonna be a bang up shin ding.

10 things I have done that you haven’t

Because you asked for it:

1. Took cover during a shootout between Al-Qaeda operatives and Pakistani Police

2. Have been driven out of Afghani Tribal land at gunpoint

3. Witnessed the aftermath of the Bhutto assassination

4. Been sideswiped by a passenger car causing my car to spin out of control

5. Shared a plane with members of the Pakistani Olympic team

6. Had the pleasure of being ticketed by the Pakistani Traffic Police, who aren’t known for their courtesy

7. Been stranded in traffic for four hours during heavy monsoon rain fall

8. Had root canal done to my lower right molar

9. Been spit on by racist people

10. Driven a badly injured individual to the hospital

Owls in America V. Owls in Pakistan

It seems these two societies have different perceptions of this winged creature. Although both would admit that it is a formidable bird of prey they don’t agree on its intellect. Americans view the owl as being wise. This is reflected in literature, the wise owl often guides wayward children to safety. A popular snack food brand uses the wise owl as their logo. The list goes on.

However this is not the case in Pakistani society. The Urdu name for the bird is a good starting point. Uloo has become a term for referring to some one who is foolish. Often times when you want to insult someone for doing something irresponsible or reckless you would call him an owl. How this came about is anyone’s guess.

Weekend Assignment #198

This week’s assignment is:

What is your favorite thing about winter? Whether you love this time of year, hate it or merely endure it, you should be able to find something good to say about the season. What is it?

Extra credit: What do you hate most about winter?

Interestingly enough I had something to say about winter on a previous post. It compared winter in two port cities that I had a chance to live in. But it only answers the question of what I hate about winter. So I’ll give a similar comparison about what I like about winter in each city, here goes:

My favorite thing about winter in New York is a freshly laid blanket of snow. It really is a site to behold when your entire neighborhood is covered with mounds of white. But if you look too hard the sunlight reflected back by the pristine surface can make you wince.

My favorite thing about winter in Karachi is free air conditioning. People tend to remain indoors during a hot summer afternoon, because the heat can get intense in the tropics. But during the winters the weather is cool and you can venture out in your sandals with out worrying about the heat, which is great. But then again, I guess the Iraqis have a unique take on the matter.

The mighty if statement

For all you non-computer programmers out there let me bring you up to speed. The “if statement” is used whenever you want your computer program to branch off in a different direction. Here’s an example:

Seems innocent doesn’t it? But like a festering wound it can become so much more. Science fiction is full of examples of AI system running out of control. Some of them even manage to take over the world and enslave humanity. Although they make for great stories this is highly unlikely.

One technique for creating Artificial Intelligence is to use a rule base. Essentially the rule base is a glorified collection of “if statements”. Here’s an example for a combat mech:

See how specific you have to be? You simply cannot account for every possibility that can occur in the real world. There are just too many unknowns. That’s why it’s easy to trick these kinds of machines, another staple of SF literature. Also if the rule base isn’t designed properly commands can contradict each other causing the poor machine to get stuck in an infinite loop. Remember T3 when the Terminator shuts down because it received programming that contradicted with its main objective of protecting John Conner? That is a perfect example of what I am talking about.

Also in our day-to-day lives the “if statement” can get us into loads of trouble. Whenever we install software we are asked to agree to a EULA. As soon as we click on the “I accept” option we are legally bound to the terms and conditions specified in the license. This means you can be hauled into court if you violate any of those terms.

Guess what? An “if statement” running in the background determines whether or not you have accepted the agreement. So now you know why this mere piece of code is so mighty.

The art of sidestepping power outages

I started blogging when I got a DSL connection. The always on and faster connection opened up the Internet in ways a dial up connection simply couldn’t do. I like how it let’s you interface with the Internet in a seamless manner. No need to worry about dialing up when you want to know something just pop open your browser and you’re good to go.

Unfortunately the modem requires electricity. And in case you haven’t heard there is a severe shortage of electricity in Pakistan. Some say it’s a move by the government to divert attention from its in competency. The simultaneous shortage of flour in the markets further confirms that theory. Thankfully I needn’t worry about the flour shortage however I do worry about the power outages.

As you can tell my modem will not work without a steady flow of electrons. And once the flow stops, there goes my connection to the outside world. I have put in place some backup systems. Like a generator which got fried from excessive use and the rainwater on the roads is discouraging the repairman from coming in and taking a look. (Trust me, this is loads of fun)

The second line of defense is a UPS that powers only my computer. However it will only last twenty minutes. Its got three sets of lights green, yellow and red. As I sit in the dark I keep glancing at these lights because as soon as it hits red, the sucker is gonna blow. I learned that as soon as it gave the yellow alert (I really do feel like I am on the bridge of the enterprise, hey what else do you expect me to do) a complete system shutdown was imminent. This is not to be underestimated because it will give me only enough time to power down the computer. If I don’t heed the warning and wait for a red alert my computer will crash. I don’t particularly enjoy throwing away money to replace burned out hard drives so I’ll be shutting down now, thank you.

NOTE: I want to read your comments don’t wait for an invitation. This goes for all posts.

Fast Food in America V. Fast Food in Pakistan

My family would visit our relatives in Pakistan during summer vacation. I would have a really good time hanging out with my cousins. One day we decided to go out for some fast food. I was like “Cool! You can get fast food here?” They were like “Yeah they just opened a McDonalds in Clifton” (a wealthy area of Karachi)

I nearly keeled over from the shocking revelation, feeling ecstatic I blurted out loud “Let’s go!” foremost on my mind was to try a big mac. This is something I never got to do in America. You see Muslims can only eat meat slaughtered according to Islamic Law. All other meat is Haram (unlawful). Last time I checked McDonalds (or any other major franchise for that matter) wasn’t serving up Halal (lawful) meat.

I threw on a t-shirt and some jeans and was waiting for everyone else to get ready. When they came downstairs everyone was perfumed, hair styled, and dressed up. I was like what’s going on here? I soon learned that eating out at an American fast food joint was a big deal. Comparatively speaking the prices are very high. The cost of one meal at McDonalds is enough to feed a family of five, 3 meals. So people tend to go to these kinds of places sparingly.

This is in sharp contrast to the way Americans view fast food. Which is a quick and cheap meal, to be eaten on the go. Formal dining is reserved for five star restaurants. The equivalent form of quick and cheap dining can be found in Pakistan, but you would have to go to the local restaurants. These establishments are normally visited by laborers, truck/taxi drivers etc. And believe me when I say that you get what you pay for. The cheaper the meal is the more unsanitary the kitchen will be. That's not to say that there aren't any local restaurants serving up some really good Pakistani cuisine. In fact one of the reasons people visit Karachi is to sample these dishes. I'll have more on that aspect later.

For all you Patrick Stewart fans

I recently found out that Patrick Stewart is chancellor of my University! That’s so cool, I have tremendous respect for Mr. Stewart. As an actor, he has contributed much time and energy to cinematic science fiction (Star Trek, X-Men, TMNT, Dune, to name a few).

I received my bachelor's in software engineering from the University of Huddersfield (UoH). I haven’t physically visited the campus because I earned the degree via their Pakistani affiliate.

UPDATE: The graduation ceremony for 2005 graduates will be held soon. Be sure to check back for the latest news. It’s sure to be a gala event.

I downloaded a video from the UoH site a while back (I don’t know where they moved it, so I can’t give you a link). I wanted to share it with you guys. It’s about a minute long, in it Patrick Stewart tells the viewer about his long life commitment to education, how he is a local of Yorkshire (I believe this is the county in which the Town of Huddersfield is located in). He goes on to say that despite all his travels he has always been in touch with the people of this region and he welcomes students from all over the world to come and study at UoH. In essence, it’s a brief look into the man’s life and an advertisement for the University.

So without further ado here is the video:

Staring in America V. Staring in Pakistan

Yes you read that correctly we will be talking about staring today. Dictionary.com defines the act of staring as follows:

To gaze fixedly and intently, esp. with the eyes wide open.

In American society children are taught not to stare because it’s impolite. And for the most part when you’re out in public people don’t stare at each other and go about their business. Children belonging to well to do families in Pakistan are also taught the same lesson and when they go out in public they don’t stare at people either.

Apparently the other half of society (read, have nots) didn’t get the memo. These poor souls don’t have much to occupy their minds so they while away their time on street corners. When a person that they find fascinating passes by they stare and stare and stare and then stare some more. To them a fascinating person is anybody with a nice car, nice clothes, jewelry, and cell phones. Unfortunately they don’t have those things and wonder what its like to own these items. So when they see someone use these things they can’t get enough of it.

In fact a group of them will gather and watch you make a phone call. They’ll be talking about you and pointing out things to each other. Things like the color of your phone’s cover, the sounds it makes or the cost of that particular set are popular topics. Just like we (read, haves) would talk about a TV show amongst ourselves. I can see where they are coming from but the thing is…THEY MAKE ME SO DAMN UNCOMFORTABLE!!!

I mean seriously they freak me out when they do that. I don’t know what their attentions are, maybe they’re scoping me out for a mugging or worse. I talked to people about this staring phenomenon and they say that it’s a harmless nuisance. So one day as I was walking towards my office in my work clothes I decided to engage one of these staring drones. I stared right into his eyes and he stared right back I continued walking forward and he continued staring. He began to swivel his head to maintain a good lock on me after a complete 180 degree rotation he had to stop staring less he snap his neck.

I decided to take this engagement to the next level I found myself locked in the gaze of another individual. I stared he stared I moved forward he swiveled neck I stopped and gestured “What the hell?!” he shrugs his shoulder “nothing just saying hi”. At times like this Muslims use the lament, estagfurallah (I seek God’s forgiveness).

This is not to say that staring doesn’t occur in America. When I was a child I found myself transfixed by a quadriplegic in a wheelchair. In my mind I could hear myself saying, “Don’t stare! Don’t stare! Don’t stare!” But I couldn’t help myself I never so a person in that condition before. A family member of the quadriplegic came up to me and told me to skedaddle.

So you see society corrected my behavior and I was more conscious of whether or not I was staring. There is no such check amongst the poor people of Pakistan, because they don’t think they are doing anything wrong. Of course people in America do partake in the subtle glance or the occasional double take. But never have I seen the wide-eyed drone like stares that occur in this part of the world.

The luscious orange

I tore into an orange and soon consumed all of its citrussy goodness. Feeling infused with vitamin C, I got up to throw out its hollow remains. On the way to the garbage pail a seed slipped away from me and landed on the kitchen floor. Thinking nothing of it I dumped what I had in my hands and then went to pick up the glistening seed.

My fingers assumed the pinching position and lowered themselves to ground level. As I grasped the oval shape between my fingertips the demonic thing immediately shot out from between my flabbergasted digits. I attempted the maneuver again but it was no use the damn thing wouldn’t comply. I racked my brain devising a scheme by which I could lift the fruity germ and place it in the duly designated waste receptacle. Eyeing a spoon I cunningly crept up behind the evil fiend.

It almost seemed like the bulbous pit was mocking me, “Ha you’ll never get me!” With a sudden motion the spoon swooped down scooping up the seed in a single flash of stainless steel. Not believing my luck I quickly dumped the seed into the garbage pail, banishing the slippery fiend to the stinking bowels of the pail. That day I held my head up high for I had conquered the luscious orange seed.

New York weather V. Karachi weather

I remember winters in New York. We would seal up the windows and turn on the heat. Of course you still had to bundle up when indoors. Well-placed electric heaters gave you an extra degree of comfort, leaving you feeling toasty.

Winters in Karachi are a different matter all together. The houses over here are designed for warm weather and get rid of as much warmth as possible. That’s a blessing during the summers but come winter that feature leaves you feeling miserable. Sure you can bundle up but you’ll always feel nippy.

Then again the houses in the northeast aren’t exactly made for warm weather. Even when you crack open all the windows and set up fans all over the place you’ll still feel like you’re stuffed in a steaming sauna.

This is just one of the many treatises that I have in stored for you, the “I Don’t Know" Reader. These treatises will be equally critical of my adopted homeland (America) and my ancestral homeland (Pakistan). Which leads me to believe no place on earth is perfect and if you really want peace you’ll have to die and go to heaven. What do you think?

Weekend Assignment #196 or What’s up with Boston legal?

John Scalzi has passed on the Weekend Assignment “torch” to Karen Funk. She’ll be the caretaker of this weekly tradition, so far so good. This week’s assignment has to do with TV, which coincidentally today’s post was all about. So with a few a tweaks and a couple of rewrites I slapped together a hopefully coherent post.

To answer the question of how the WGA strike is affecting me as viewer, I have to delve into my viewing habits. First of all the company who set up my satellite receiver provides only 50 channels, no ifs ands or buts. So they like to change the channel lineup just to keep things interesting. This has wreaked havoc with my favorite shows, which are:

Enterprise – cancelled, so it doesn’t matter
Mythbusters – only available on the European Discovery Channel, which got shuffled for the Indian one so no more Mythbusters
The Daily Show with John Stewart – doesn’t come on the version of CNN they are currently providing
The late night shows, leno, letterman, conan – the channels that carried them got pulled off well before the strike.

With basically no good shows to follow I exist on a steady diet of Hollywood movies whether its on cable or DVD. So in a way the strike hasn’t affected me much, although I wish them good luck and hope they are able to get what they are after. Which brings us to today’s post, it deals with a specific show, mainly Boston Legal. I am getting the earlier seasons over here so I am pretty sure they were produced well before the strike. Here goes:

I mean seriously it seams like William Shatner has lured all his SF acting buddies into the show. Just take a look at the regular cast James Spader (Stargate: Dr. Daniel Jackson) Rene Auberjonois (DS9: Constable Odo), yeah I know he got kicked off but still. Also I saw an episode with Jeri Ryan (STVOY: Seven of Nine) in it, also Scott Bakula (ENT: Captain Archer) is doing an episode! I mean come on guys, what’s going on here!

So if my first assumption is correct then William Shatner has some serious hold over the show’s producer; and that’s why all the SF/ST dudes are winding up over there. What’s next will Patrick Stewart (if you really need to know you don’t belong here) drop by in need of legal counseling; from the great Denny Crane? I am sure that’ll work out nicely. As always I want to know what you know.

This is one is about Black Sabbath

During my adolescent years growing up in the suburbs of New York, I was exposed to rock music. There were all kinds to choose from alternative, grunge, heavy metal, death metal etc. A good friend of mine introduced me to Metallica. I was hooked in an instant. In fact I liked the band so much I made them a standard to judge all other rock bands by. The criteria included killer guitar and drum solos; meaningful lyrics and the lead singer should have a pleasing voice. During the 90’s lots of bands met all the requirements Foo Fighters, Green Day, Third Eye Blind, Creed, Rage Against the Machine, Tool etc.

Recently I decided to spruce up my CD collection (yes they are all legit I buy only from Radio City) and decided to go with Black Sabbath. These guys are before my time but I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I popped in the CD and the stereo began blasting away, they instantly passed the “Killer guitar and drum solos” test. But when Ozzy Osbourne began singing I was like what the hell is this? His voice could be best described as nasally and high pitched.

I know some of you are already getting the lynching party ready but before you string me up let me clarify. I had to listen to the CD again and look past his voice and evaluate the band according to the “meaningful lyrics” criteria. They passed this test hands down, because their anti-war messages ring true even in this day and age. I suppose his voice fits in with the image the band tried creating for itself because I noticed that the guitar playing also tended to go high pitch at times. Then again I don’t know…what do you know?

Aaargh, there be pirates!

I spent my childhood and adolescents in the US of A. Our family kept in touch with the Muslim community through the numerous organizations they had set up. We were mostly involved with ICNA, the thing I like about this organization is their media wing known as Sound Vision. They created a popular children series by the name of Adam’s World. Adam and his little sister Aneesah were puppets that taught children good moral values.

I approve of the series because its fighting fire with fire. Kids grow up watching Barney and all they learn is that “sharing is caring, eehya”. At least with this series they develop a moral compass without having to give up their beloved TV, which is a big thing in American society.

That is all I had to say on the subject, until we moved to Pakistan. That’s when I started noticing bootleg copies of Adam’s World. What really ticked me off was when I found a plastic pouch filled with CDs representing the entire Adam’s World Series. To add insult to injury the pirate had the gall to put his “company name” on it, Truevision. No wonder why Pakistani society has sunk so low we aren’t capable of original and creative thought so we have to steal from others.

This also raises the issue of the rampant piracy going on in this society, especially software. You can get the latest Microsoft Product for $1 twenty-four hours after its international release! Some critics site the Robin Hood effect, which says that poor students in the Indian Subcontinent can’t afford the suggested retail price and would be cut off from the wonders of the information age if the pirates didn’t do what they do. The other side says piracy is stealing, period, there are no gray areas.

I am a software engineer the companies that I have worked for in Pakistan never produce software for the Pakistani mass market, only private institutions and foreign clients. Needless to say Pakistani people are missing out on some great products. Wouldn’t they like to give their kids an encyclopedia on Islamic History rather than rely on Encarta to teach them instead?

If only he had teleportation

Then he wouldn't have to blow himself up. Just think about it he could have committed his vile deed then teleported the hell out of there. Most likely he would set the coordinates to a safe haven (let’s say its on earth). But even then, after such a heinous act the world would be looking for his sorry butt so maybe he is better of dead. Certainly the guy couldn’t escape from that crowd after pulling the trigger. And besides people like him don’t think straight he knew he was going to die no matter what, so why not go out with a bang?